Point #4 of 11 of the series “Returning to Your Present Self, Again and Again"
as outlined in her book Stay Present: A Child, A Diagnosis, A Family’s Way Forward
When I was a tittle girl, as I describe in my memoir Stay Present, I asked God to sign a letter I’d left for him in my jewelry box. That was my first spiritual discouragement, for as you know, He did not sign the paper. The concrete evidence I longed for wasn’t provided.
During the political activism of my young adulthood, I held that only things “solid as a fencepost’ were real. Despite this rigid stance, I managed to collect bits of evidence that there was something beyond what I heard and saw - a country woman speaking “in tongues,” was totally inexplicable. This baffling episode was followed by long dry lapses in my searching- until my father died.
Dad appeared in a dream the night of his passing, radiant and reassuring, then departed down a peaceful lit tunnel. This was beyond anything I could understand, and gave me yet another bit of evidence that there was something mysterious worth pursuing.The most spectacular incident occurred some fifteen years later while playing a harmonium at breakneck speed during a chanting session, during which I somehow merged with the music and the instrument itself for a mere 15 seconds.
It turned out that the most tangible evidence for me of God’s existence was never solid as a fence post. But it was real. I couldn’t deny the presence of a higher power, and learned never to quit my pursuit. Though it seldom shows up in the time and fashion which I wish for, when I stay present, I know it is there.
Libby Gell is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and author of Stay Present: A Child, A Diagnosis, A Family’s Way Forward. She shares her extended family’s journey and offers insights and suggestions on creating joy while handling family crises, medical and otherwise.
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